SHEES - or what really happened when Buffy...
by Jill2
Summary: I really can't give you a summary! I don't know what came over me. Sheesh!


Hi guys,  
  
this is SO not serious. I don't know if it's even humor. It's ... uh ... me in a funny mood, I suppose. Anyways. Now I've written it, and so it goes out  
Blame Eve for it. She's my friend, and she said she couldn't stop laughing  
at the idea. Here it is. It's totally un-beta-ed!=20  
  
  
FIC: SHEESH - or what really happened when Buffy and Spike were having sex =  
on the=  
screen (1/1)  
Author: Jill  
Category: HUMOR  
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them.  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: B/A, and the usual pairings from the show  
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes  
Summary: Uh - none really, I don't know how to explain what came over me  
Spoilers: the whole Buffy/Angel-canon, and especially the episode "Smashed"  
Timeline: sets in when the cameras blank out in the end, Buffy's lying on Spike  
both panting  
Feedback: oh yes, please  
Dedication: to all B/A-shippers  
  
  
"You've got this?," Buffy shouted, staring at Spike who was watching her  
nervously. Keeping a straight face, she giggled inwardly.  
  
"Yup, all on film," Xander replied, leaning casually against the wall, grinning  
from ear to ear. "I'm sure this is going to wake him up."  
  
"Thank God," the slayer let out a breath of relief and pushed herself away  
from Spike, who, instead of letting her go, held her close for a moment. "Hey," she yelled in annoyance. "Hands off!"  
  
He wiggled his brows, grinning, "Come on, slayer, you liked it."  
  
"Pah," she scoffed, rolling off him, "In your dreams. Don't take this personal, Spike, but you're a little too soulless for my taste."  
  
He shrugged, rising his upper body into a sitting position, "Yeah, well, what can I say. I like it."  
  
She slightly shook her head, stood then and walked over to Xander, "And you're sure it's all on the film?," she inquired again.  
  
"Yeah. The whole ... panting ... and grunting."  
  
She grinned evilly, "Fine. That's going to get to him, I swear." Looking back  
down at the vampire, still sitting on the ground, she shuddered, "Angel better  
appreciates what I'm doing to get him back. I mean, if that doesn't shake him,  
there's nothing left. I slept with two losers, which I don't even want to think  
about, I even tried the dying-act, and still he isn't here."  
  
"My grand-sire's always been stupid," Spike commented.  
  
"Shut up," Buffy hissed, taking a menacing step towards him, "*You* better keep  
your mouth shut about all this. I don't want anybody to think I actually would  
consider having sex with *you*." She shuddered dramatically at the thought. Frowning she turned towards Xander, "There's just one problem," she said, tipping her chin with her forefinger, "How do we get Angel to watch this?"  
  
"I could send it to him," Spike proposed, holding up his hands when he saw the  
others glaring at him. "Hey, don't stake me! I might be a chip-headed vamp, but  
I'm still pretty happy about my existence."  
  
Buffy raised a brow, "Really? And yet you thought sending this to Angel was a good idea. What do you think he's going to do? Love you to death as soon as he sees this?"  
  
The vampire paled visibly, was even whiter than usual. "Uh-oh," he stuttered.  
  
"Maybe we should let him," Xander suggested.  
  
"Hey!," Spike protested, "I'm your friend. The vamp who helped you, remember?"  
  
"Help," the Slayer scoffed. "And a big help you were." She shook her head, sighing loudly.=20  
  
"Well, I could send it," Willow piped from her spot at the wall.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy's face brightened. "You've got some experience in the matter after all," she added, grinning at the redhead's former and new boyfriend whose arm lay casually around Willow's shoulder. "It brought Oz back."  
  
"I used magick for that," Willow humphed, giving her best friend a haughty look." I may have sworn off the darker forces, but I like using it for a good cause."  
  
"And I don't mind it at all," Oz smiled slightly. "As long as I'm the good cause."  
  
"Talking about a good cause-" Dawn piped in, but was interrupted by her sister.  
  
"No," Buffy said sternly, "No. No. And no. You're not going to use a love-spell that David-guy."  
  
"That's so not fair," the teenager pouted. "But you're allowed to play sex-scene with Spike to get Angel back, huh?"  
  
"Well...," Buffy trailed off, gave her sister a 'duh'-look. "I'm twenty. That's the main difference."  
  
"Uh-huh," Dawn replied, not at all convinced.  
  
"Let me give you an advice," Xander walked over to the Slayer's sister and put arm around her shoulder, "Love-spells. Not good. I tried it once, so I should know."  
  
"You did a love-spell?," Anya narrowed her eyes at her fiancée. "But you n=  
used one on me? Why did you need a love-spell?"  
  
"Uhm...," Xander cleared his throat, his face turning beet-red.  
  
"Yeah, Xander," Dawn smiled at him sweetly, "I'd really like to know about this..."  
  
*  
  
Buffy pulled her arm down in a scoring gesture, then turned away from the phone, grinning at her friends.  
  
"What?," Xander asked, his eyes curious.  
  
"What?," Dawn had her hands at her hips, her posture impatient.  
  
"I think we don't really have to ask, right?," Willow said, looking up long enough to grin at her friend, then went on kissing her ex-ex-boyfriend.  
  
"No, you don't," Buffy agreed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, looking thoroughly satisfied with herself. "It went like clockwork. Cordy said he left L.A. half an hour ago. Exactly two seconds after he finished watching the video 'friend' sent to him."  
  
"What did I tell you," Spike said from his spot on the sofa, "I said it would work. The Poof always had a possessive streak."  
  
"Obviously," the Slayer smiled to herself, then, suddenly grinning evilly, she looked at Spike, "Oh, and by the way. She said you better hide, Spike. Because Angel did pause in the lobby of his hotel. And guess why? He needed to stack up on weapons to kill a bleached blond vampire who dared to touch his mate." She paused, liking the sound of it, grinning even more when Spike shot from his and raced down into the cellar. "Mate," she said again.  
  
END  
  
Okay! Want to give me feedback? Then by all means! Do it 


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